she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
