I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
