I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
3 2 1 whiskey
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
