Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
