It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
