So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
