and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
