i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
