At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
