Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
