her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
