Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
