i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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