Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
