I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
