I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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