I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
