I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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