i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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