i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
