In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
