I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
