i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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