I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
