well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
