I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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