So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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