I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
