I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
