I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
