I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
