last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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