He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
