No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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