matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
