He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
