worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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