if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize