the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
