How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize