im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
