Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
