Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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