i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
