his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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