he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
