If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
