He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
