Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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