end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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