Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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