So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
