ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
