The maid of honor just puked.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
