I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
