Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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