Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
