Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
