this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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