I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
