The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
