Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
