If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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