She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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