so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
