can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
