So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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