i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
