Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
