I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
