the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
