I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
