My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
