apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize