You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
