i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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