Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
