They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
