I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
